In Other News - Sex Education FTW

Hello kittens. A couple of posts back I talked about a Big Life Decision I'm working on. Well, this is it. I'm implementing a five year plan to become a Sex Educator. If all goes according to plan, my girlfriend will be joining me and we'll become rich and famous and... Ha! No, not rich and famous, though hopefully we'll be able to pay the bills. What we will be is fulfilled, we hope. Doing work that we are passionate about and that (hopefully) makes a difference.

Throughout my life, I, and many of the people I've known and loved, have been affected by a lack of knowledge and emotional understanding of sex. From people who take sex way too seriously to people who don't take it nearly seriously enough. People who've fallen pregnant or gotten STDs because they don't know enough about safer sex, or don't have the wherewithal to insist on it. People who have been abused or raped, by strangers and by partners. And those are just the people I know. All over our country, young people are growing up with barely a passing knowledge of their own anatomy, and very little information to help them make decisions about what is and isn't acceptable to them. Sex workers, unprotected and looked down upon, are unable to protect themselves from dangerous customers, johns who refuse condoms, or unsterilised needles. Getting an abortion may be legal, but it's not exactly easy, and every street corner offers 'cheap abortion', with an advert for illegal 'virility pills' right next to it.

We are not good at talking about sex in our country. We are really not good at being sex positive and treating sex and discussion of sexuality as healthy, important parts of life. We have very few sex educators, and they struggle to have their voices heard. Dr Eve, Catriona Boffard, Dorothy Black and some other very strong people have worked hard, and respect is due. But there's a loooong way to go.

Step 1, for me? Educate myself. I work in a sex shop, so that helps. I have access to books, and toys, and I spend a large part of my day talking to people about what they need from sex. I'm also privileged to know or have access to wonderful people from the LGBTI, poly and kink communities, who constantly educate me and others. Those of you who watched the recent SABC doccie on poly will know that the marvelous Avri Spilka spoke eloquently about emphasising safer sex. I continue to learn from her and many other amazing teachers and friends.

Educating myself includes expanding my own sexual horizons. I don't believe that I need to do everything in order to understand or talk about it, but I do need to try all the stuff on my bucket list. Butt plugs are featuring this week. I got a super-cute one yesterday. Nope, I've never used a butt plug. I'll let you know how it goes. (wink) I'll also be attending workshops and, hopefully soon, courses on counselling. (And yes, if you have any excellent suggestions, comment away kittens.)

Being poly doesn't make me awesome at sex. I may never be awesome at sex. But I'm going to work damn hard at being an awesome advocate for sex positivity, in my life and in my work, and at being the best I can be as a sex and sexuality educator. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to love this journey.

Next up, I'll be reviewing two BIG books on sex that I've just laid hands on... with extra commentary from my teens as to which is most useful from their perspective.

Girlfriend #1 and the Year of Making Things Happen

Y'all know I have this girlfriend with whom I have had a loving and marvelous relationship for some years now. I've also mentioned that this has been a non-sexual relationship. By which I don't mean we haven't snogged, or felt each other up, or reasonably often had the desire to do all sorts of delicious things to each other. We just didn't have the time or space to make that happen without it becoming an effort for both of us.

Well, so now we're making the effort. <yeah, I'm smiling.>

We started talking a few months ago, about this bit where we don't have a sexual relationship, and most people who know us see us as besties rather than girlfriends. And both of us were quite clear in our heads that we feel other than, more than, different than besties. Sex or no sex, dates or no dates, our attachment has always been romantic, loving, committed in a way is more like a love relationship than a bestie friendship.

And then she suggested maybe we do this proper-like. Regular date nights, a more physical relationship. She talked it over with her boyfriend and he agreed to it. In fact, he's been very supportive, and I'm really liking how my relationship with him is also growing.

So now we have weekly dates, and we kiss a lot, and it's pretty damn sexy. And I'm scared as hell. What if we disturb our nice, neat status quo and it turns out to be more difficult than we thought and it changes us? What if I'm just not enough fun in bed? What if what if what if? This relationship is so very important to me, and is so much a part of my life, that I really really don't want to lose it.

But man, it's so awesome to spend time with her, exactly the same way we always have, but know that this relationship now has space to grow, to include whatever we want it to include, to teach us both things, to have time together that is dedicated to our relationship. And sleepovers. And sex. And I don't even know what else... a future. If we get this right, we get to imagine our future together, with all of the fun stuff I just listed.

And I'm here to tell you, my girlfriend is a freaking gorgeous woman. And smart, and funny and incredibly elegant. Being out with her makes me want to yell "Check out my seriously hot girlfriend", but I don't need to, because everyone is already checking her out. Call me superficial all you like, I enjoy that.

Wish us luck, readers. We have this whole year of change ahead, and this part is a really great part.