Thursday, 28 May 2015

Poly Practise

I checked, when typing the title of this post, that I had the right form of practise. Because, you know, you could have poly practice. One is the repeated exercise of an activity in order to become better at it. The other is a customary, or habitual practice. You see where I'm going with this?

Five years, now, I've known that poly is right for me. I'm not defined by my polyamory, but I'm sure as hell shaped by it. And it has had, and continues to have, a big impact on how I live my life. And every day is a new adventure.

So I went from a husband and kids and a couple of weird overly invested friendships to a husband and kids and a boyfriend. And then to separated from my husband but still with my boyfriend. And then two boyfriends. And then divorced, with kids and two boyfriends and a girlfriend. All in the last five years. Much of it in the last two years. And now I'm gearing up to move in with both boyfriends. Whhhooooo. This all feels like it's maybe moving too fast. Evolving too fast. Somehow, we seem to be pulling it off. It really helps that all my partners are very committed to making poly work, and that we have similar poly relationship styles. It really helps that we are all willing to self-examine, and to talk, and to work at it. It really helps that we're all willing to practise.

See what I did there?

One day, probably, it'll feel easy and natural to check in with everyone before making plans. One day it'll be habit to spend time together or one-on-one, all within the same house. One day we'll be really good at supporting and loving each other and also giving each other personal space. One day we'll feel like we've made this family something as awesome as we can see now it can be. For now, it's practise. Working at it. Learning new things all the time and practising them, or discarding things that we've realised are not working as well as we'd like.

And, actually, I'm good with that. It feels good that we practise. And it feels good that, even when some things are habit, other things will still need practise. I feel like that's one reason, actually, why being poly works well for me. Prevents stultification. Keeps us on our toes. Reminds us that relationships do grow, and evolve, always, and they require attention. Not always work. Work sounds hard, doesn't it? But attention. Care. Practise.

No comments:

Post a comment

Please feel free to ask questions or suggest topics. I cannot promise my answers will be useful, but I can promise to try.