Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Focus... Tough one

Yoh! What a week it's turning out to be folks. And it's really brought home one of the toughest things (I think) to get right when you're in multiple relationships - focus. We talk a lot about time management, and balancing the actual time you spend with each of your partners. And we talk sometimes about the quality of that time. In fact, I noted in my recent blog post that one of the things I'm thinking about is how that quality might be different between an official 'date' and just time spent in the same space doing day-to-day things.

But then there's focus. If I'm on a date with Girlfriend #1, but I'm not paying full attention to her because my focus lies elsewhere, that ain't great. And it can be hard to switch focus. This week, I'm really struggling with that, because:

Boyfriend #1's parent is very ill. Scarily ill. This is painful and frightening for him, and he needs to feel supported and loved. He really doesn't need to be distracted by discussing our time management plans for February, and he really needs me to stay focused and there for him at any time. Because illness is not going to schedule itself around us.

But: Boyfriend #2 has just made some important life decisions and I'm committed to helping him, where needed, to implement those decisions. This also impacts on our future relationship, so now is a time when we're starting to work that stuff out.

And: As you know from yesterday's post, I've just embarked on this new journey with Girlfriend #1. It's important to me that we don't let things get in the way of this, and that she doesn't feel taken for granted because of our existing relationship.

And let's not forget there are teenage kids who need me to be focused on them and their needs, pretty much all the time. Oh, and the new job, where I'm still learning and developing.

Luckily for me, all of my partners are amazing, and they understand what's going on and are being immensely supportive. That doesn't change that I'm feeling a bit whacked with a sandbag. It's tough, because my instinct is to be there for everyone, and not let anyone feel that they are not getting enough focus. I have to reign that in. I know what's most important is to communicate with everyone, and to do what I can, when I can. And to look after myself too, so I don't crash emotionally just when, potentially, I'm most needed.

Not all moonlight and roses, readers. But this is what I signed up for. I *want* these relationships to be deep and stable and the kind where we can rely on each other in times of crisis. I *want* to find that balance of time and focus that makes us all feel safe. So it's onward and upward. With extra vitamins and no tv, because sleep is definitely needed.

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