Monday, 6 October 2014

Intro and Background

NOTE: I'm holding this post at the top because it's kind of the intro. All posts after this one appear in reverse order of posting (i.e. most recent first).

I should have kept a journal. I didn’t, obviously. I began to understand my poly nature some five years ago. I found support and help online from many sites and forums, for which I am eternally grateful.  I found friends and, ultimately, lovers, in an excellent local support group. My marriage ended, and my secondary partner became my primary. I believed for some time that I had found my loves and had not the space for more. It is my own nature to be best at relationships with those I love. I am a good friend, I believe, and I enjoy having friends who are also occasional playmates, but, while being poly, with poly partners, facilitates this, it is not what poly is for me. I am of the kind who wants the depth of knowing my partner’s sleep patterns, favourite sloppy jersey and the mannerisms they hide until you’re as comfortable to them as that sloppy jersey. I want family.

I was married for twelve years. Am still married as at this writing, as our two-year separation hasn’t yet quite culminated in the divorce (though that is very much in process). I have been with my current primary boyfriend for about four years, with my girlfriend for around five years, and with my other boyfriend for about 8 or 9 months. I have another girlfriend, as I am in a triad with boyfriend number 2 and the girl he met just before I met him. I am out to my children (as poly and bi), to most of my friends, to my brother but not to my parents. And yes, my marriage dissolved not entirely as a result  of but certainly in relation to my being poly. And yes, that hurts. Because I still do very much love my husband, and I do often wish I were not poly, so that I could be with him.

As I said, I found much information, support and help from online and local sources. I also found, and increasingly find, that not all of the information makes sense to me. Or perhaps it’s that the things I am concerned about are not covered. Or perhaps it’s that a lot of the online poly support is coming from the States, and I am in another country where we are a little different in our approach. Or something. And so I thought perhaps if I ramble away online a bit, someone, somewhere, may find these ramblings of use. I hope you do. I hope some of it may be of use even if you are not poly. Relationships are relationships, whether you do one at a time or many. Poly simply requires of us more communication and self-examination, which allows us to more clearly formulate our thoughts on those relationships.

Welcome, then. Let’s talk.

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Please feel free to ask questions or suggest topics. I cannot promise my answers will be useful, but I can promise to try.