Thursday, 2 October 2014

Time Management. Further thoughts.

There are a *lot* of tools on the market for time management. Because, obviously, needing to allocate time to things is not only the purview of the poly. Poly people talk about time management, and about these tools, often. There is a definite favouring of Google calendars. Perfectly simple idea, really - a shared calendar that allows everyone in a relationship group to see where the others are already booked up and where space might be available for a date or other activity. I tried it. Set up my calendar all nice, filled in the set date nights, added any events I was planning on attending, shared it with the boyfriends and girlfriend. Yeah. They looked at it once. I still try to keep it vaguely updated. Just in case.

The thing is this (besides general slackness, obviously): time management in poly relationships isn't only about scheduling. Because of the way I work, I actually want to be spending time with all of my partners all of the time. I don't feel comfortable partitioning people. But, you know, that doesn't always work, especially for more intimate activities. But there's also life, and how it's going for everyone. If my girlfriend is busy, as she often is, with studies, she's less available to see me. But then she'll have a gap, or we'll just get 'never mind the studies I miss you blues'. And then we have to spend time together. It's not always easy to schedule that. Or I might agree that boyfriend #2 should spend Saturday night with girlfriend #2, then realise that we all really need some time together, or her other partner may need her attention, or boyfriend #2 may not be able to get to town that weekend. I may schedule a camping trip with boyfriend #1 and have it cancelled at the last minute because he has to be at work. In all of these cases, people who were available for lovetime become not, or vice-versa.

And then there's just emotional stuff. For me, any time with any of my loves is wonderful. But of course, there'll be times when I really need some extra time with one of them, because they've been studying for weeks, or working long hours, or just because I'm feeling that way.

Ya see how Google calendar doesn't really sort that shit out for you? And in my case, the girlfriends are wonderful at organising and making plans, while the boyfriends rather like to have the plans made and then just arrive at the appropriate time. And let's not forget both girlfriends have other partners they have to include in their plans.

Isn't the poly life sounding like a great deal of fun? Actually, as long as everyone is on the same page in understanding these issues, we have so far managed pretty well. Just, we really don't fit into any of those nice templates I find on poly support sites for managing this sort of stuff. So I feel I'm bumbling along a lot of the time. Including this weekend.

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